January 16th: SEE(Recovery Relapse Relapse Recovery)SAW
heroin is a Cinderella shoe you never fit into
a fluid tattoo in your plasma and the rest of you
stumblebum you a paper boat of ice-out.
What’s step one from the precipice and then how far is it to that first
bot
t
om?
Is there some thrum tadum thrum unsung but shoved up the inside
skin of the eardrum and stuck there and struck when the who gives
a flying fuck what stick is pulled and whipped through the air and down
on your skull? Is there some silence then there after the rubber draws
the vein altar high and the prick is a down on your knees relief even
before the blood’s tongue laps (the vein’s an open maw now)
and pants and groans unhinged. And all the grinding stones stop
grinding and all the glass bowls overflowing hold to their brim
and the floor is clean and shit’s ok and the sick was weeks ago
now and the kids are happy and the husband loves you and he’s back
in your bed and man there are roses and they smell good what
starts it what stops it what starts it up again again again it’s not will
or want to at least I’d like to think for you but seeing you seesaw
flat face an inch from the soup I made for you when you came out
finally and fumbled your bum in the chair and sat half hip in it there’s no
denial you were getting started again and your injection (a pill on a plate
for you no needle) using you more than you using it--shit--sitting there
on a surface of who cares who goddamn cares and some band starts
to playsway in your head and you high flame your face and hair and skim straight
over the bowl and you drip with it and smash because you’re too heavy
your face on the table leg and you wave and fly fly you fly and I hand
under your elbow your arm lift you escort you back to the bedroom
you’ve reclused to and truck you to the commode then to the low
mattress (so if you fall you won’t fall far) and you strong now somehow
twitch and seize and spill your shit and it’s this it’s this that’s one
of the last bottoms I know for you using all those years flying high into
silence all that silence you bought and sold your life for.
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